How many members of your Sun sign does it take to change a light bulb? Aries:  Just one.  You want to make something of it? Taurus:  One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. Gemini:  Two, but the job never gets [...]

We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi

Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud “snort” noises.) I don’t know why parents don’t do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you’re a [...]

The other day I bumped into Santa Claus. A good bump it was, too! I ought to have been arrested, for there is no open season on Santa Claus. But sometimes a first class collision is an exciting thing. It will knock the wind out of you, and it may knock an idea into your head. True, this Santa Claus did not [...]

What is both surprising and delightful is that spectators are allowed, and even expected, to join in the vocal part of the game…. There is no reason why the field should not try to put the batsman off his stroke at the critical moment by neatly timed disparagements of his wife’s fidelity and his mother’s respectability. - George Bernard Shaw

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

Funny Skiing Quote The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars' worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and get drunk. - P.J. O'Rourke Like this Inspirational Quote? Send-A-Message | Free E-Cards! [...]

Inspirational Quote If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. - Muhammed Ali 50% off Unique Inspirational and Motivational Framed Art!

Inspirational Quote: Funny Love Quote Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity. ~ Albert Einstein Buy Flowers Online Now for Mother’s Day, May 8th and Save up to 55% Like this inspirational love quote? Use the New [...]

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. - Benjamin Franklin 50% off Unique Inspirational and Motivational Framed Art!